


You need chaos in your soul (to give birth to a dancing star)

by Otakuwaii (DylansLittlePrincess)



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Big brother Urie, Canon Divergence, Hide is alive and well, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, M/M, Mpreg, Papa Hide, Protective Quinx, Rating may go up, Shuu is everyone's favourite eccentric uncle, Smut, Tooth Rotting Fluff, genetic manipulation, mama haise, there might be noncon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-11-25
Packaged: 2018-04-13 14:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4526346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DylansLittlePrincess/pseuds/Otakuwaii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It never once occurred to Haise that his ghoul organs would include a womb, but after being tricked by the CCG, he soon finds himself pregnant with a ghoul/human hybrid baby. </p><p>Luckily (or unluckily) the biological father seems more than happy to help out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The characters might be OOC because it's been a month or so since I read Tokyo ghoul: re but I really wanted to write this. 
> 
> The title is gotten from a quote by Nietzsche, I saw it and I thought it would be perfect for this story.
> 
> Warning, my first language isn't English so I'm not that good at writing :)
> 
> The first chapter is short and terrible, im sorry, but it'll get better!

" _Are you certain you want to do this?" Arima asks blankly, staring down at Haise. There are two scientists behind him, dressed in white lab coats. One is holding the needle syringe while the other carries anesthetic._

_"I'm sure," Haise says firmly. He's laying flat on the surgery table, dressed in nothing but the standard hospital clothes. He tries to give a reassuring smile but the effect is probably lost in the silence of the room. "It'll help me protect my squad."_

_Arima sighs but nods at the doctors. The one carrying the anesthetic moves forward and Haise is about to complain that it isn't necessary since he's a ghoul after all, but the mask is quickly placed over his face and he's knocked out in seconds._

Haise wakes up in a sudden motion, breaking into a cold sweat. For a moment, it feels like he just had a nightmare, then he soon remembers it's a real memory. There's a slight, uneasy stirring in his stomach and he decides to make himself a cup of coffee to calm his nerves.

He gets out of bed, pulling a robe over his banana pyjamas and putting on a pair of fluffy slippers before he heads down the stairs as quietly as he can, so as not to wake up his squad.

Haise is walking in front of the TV when a strong bout of nausea strikes and he suddenly finds himself throwing up the black coffee he had consumed in the morning.

Despite his best efforts to be quiet, the retching noise is loud and it doesn't take long before Mutsuki (bless his heart), is coming down the stairs to check out the situation, wearing just his pyjamas. There's obvious worry in the boy's eye as he asks, "Are you alright, Sasaski san?"

Haise instantly nods, not wanting to worry the child, though he instantly figures there has to be something wrong since ghouls never get sick, unless they consumed human food which he's been careful not to eat. "I'm fine, thank you Mutsuki."

Mutsuki still looks nervous but he thankfully doesn't say any more and instead helps Haise back on his feet.

"Sasaki-san," Mutsuki says, fiddling with his fingers nervously. "This wouldn't have anything to do with that meeting you had with the CCG, would it?"

Haise is caught off guard by the statement. Mutsuki has always been the most sensitive out of the Quinx, and it shouldn't be a surprise that he paid attention and remembered what had happened, even though it had occurred nearly a month ago.

"No," Haise gives what he hopes is a reassuring smile, scratching the back of his head. "I'm completely fine. I must have accidentally consumed human food."

Mutsuki looks doubtful about the statement but he's got no way of proving that it isn't true, especially since Haise used to have a bad habit of doing just that. Mutsuki gives a small nod, evidently not wanting to upset Haise by pestering him and leaves the room.

Haise lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding once the dark skinned boy was gone before he heads to the kitchen to find a mop to clean up the mess he made. He's just grabbed the mop when he remembers what Arima had told him after he had agreed to take the injection, that if he started to feel any odd side effects, he should contact the CCG immediately.

So far, he hadn't experienced any effect of the injection they had given him, whether main or side. He had agreed to take it on the promise they made him that it would help him control his ghoul side better and stop him from needing to feed as often, but it hadn't done anything as far as he was aware, except it was probably the cause of him throwing up.

He makes up his mind to call Arima and report the vomiting to him, just to be safe. He won't be able to forgive himself if he endangered any of the Quinx kids because he had wanted to try to control his cannibalstic urges.

Once he's certain the floor is cleaned to perfection, he opens up the mobile the CCG provided for him and presses Arima's speed dial button.

Arima picks up the phone almost instantly despite how late it is. There's always been some doubt in Haise's mind that Arima actually needs sleep, "Haise?"

"Hello Arima," Haise greets, fiddling with the phone. There's an uneasy feeling in his gut and he isn't even sure what it is.

"What's the problem?" Arima says, and Haise lets out a sigh. Arima knows him well enough to know he wouldn't just call in the middle of the night if the situation wasn't important.

"I threw up today," Haise reports, his free arm falling to dangle at his side. "I think it might have something to do with the injection I took that time, since I haven't eaten any human food."

A loud silence meets Haise on the other side of the line, and it goes on for so long that Haise is starting to feel like Arima is never going to say anything more when he finally responds with a strained, "I see."

A strong fear that there's something wrong him instantly pools in Haise's gut as he takes in Arima's reaction. He knows Arima, and he knows this behavior isn't normal for him.

Before Haise can say anything, Arima speaks again. "I'll be over right now."

"Heh? " Haise glances at the clock, taking in the time. "But it's past midnight."

"This can't absolutely cannot wait," Arima's voice is more serious than Haise has ever heard it be before, and considering how serious Arima usually it, that's a scary thought.

Haise nods before remembering that Arima can't see him and slightly flustered, he speaks back into the phone. "Please try to be quiet when you come in. The kids are probably asleep."

"I can't make any promises," Arima's voice gets slightly lighter and for a second, Haise relaxes. Arima drops the phone the next moment, leaving Haise sitting on his bed alone.

Instead of sitting around and worrying himself silly, Haise gets up and moves to the kitchen to make the coffee he had been planning on making before, this time preparing two cups and breaking out a tin of biscuits from his secret stash. He's just about done setting up the snacks when the doorbell rings.

Haise is at the door in a second, not wanting to allow the bell to ring any more. He pulls open the door and takes in the sight of Arima dressed in a black coat as usual.

"Sasaki," Arima greets, not making any motion to enter the house. There's a briefcase in his hand and Haise instinctively wonders why Arima would be carrying a brief case around so late in the night.

"Please come in," Haise replies, ushering Arima into his home. He takes the coat from Arima and flutters to the coat closet to hang it. "I made coffee and I've got biscuits."

Arima stands by the door side for a moment before giving in and walking towards the sofa. "That's good,"

Haise darts into the kitchen, coming back with the tray of coffee and biscuits. He sets it on the coffee table in front of the sofa before taking a seat next to Arima.

Being the good host that he is, Haise waits for Arima to take his cup first before he reached out for his own. He holds the cup of coffee in his hands, glancing down at the brown water in curiousity. When he glances up at Arima, he sees that the man hasn't touched his cup at all. Haise is about to ask why Arima isn't drinking when Arima reaches out and plucks the cup of coffee out of Haise's hands, emptying it into the nearest pot plant.

"I'm sorry, Sasaki, but you can't drink coffee any longer," Arima says calmly, adjusting his glasses on his face as he drops the cup back on the table.

"What?" Haise stares at Arima in surprise. He glances down at empty cup, lost for words. "Why?"

"Sasaki," Arima's face is completely unreadable, and Haise is mentally preparing himself for terrible news when he hears. "You're pregnant."

Haise stares at him for a second before breaking out into quiet laughter, beaming at Arima, "There you go with your jokes again. You actually had me worried for a second."

"I'm completely serious."

Haise has to resist his urge to roll his eyes in response, "Stop kidding. That's impossible for so many reasons. I'm a not a girl. And I'm a virgin."

Arima doesn't visibly react, only pushed his hair out of his eyes. "To explain it simply, when you became a ghoul through an organ donor, the ghoul whose organs you received was a female ghoul. And they gave you her womb as well. The injection we gave you contained semen from a donor as we wanted to test if you would be able to bear a baby. We were mostly certain you wouldn't, but it happened."

"This isn't a funny joke," Haise narrows his eyes at Arima, glancing back down at the coffee cup. "The injection you gave me was a serum that would help me control my ghoul urges, remember?"

To Haise's extreme shock, Arima actually looks sheepish, well, as sheepish as someone with a naturally apathetic face can look. "We might have not been completely honest about the injection. We've been keeping fertility drugs in the meat we supplied you for some time now."

Haise hands makes their way to his stomach, wrapping his arms around himself as if he could squeeze the pregnancy out of himself. Out of all the emotions he's being subjected to feel, the one that's the most strongest betrayal. There's an overwhelming feeling of betrayal that Arima and the members of the CCG would make this choice, about his body, without consulting him first.

"Please leave," Haise stands up, pushing the tray away from his body. He makes a point of not looking straight at Arima, not trusting himself to stay calm.

"I will," Arima thankfully doesn't try to argue. He gets up but leaves his briefcase lying next to the couch. "But before I leave, I need to tell you. Half ghoul pregnancies are tricky and rare, especially since you're a male. Inside that briefcase you'll find human meat as you'll need to consume more than usual to keep the fetus healthy, and since the donor was human, you'll also need to consume human nutrients. So there are pregnancy nutrition pills there as well."

Haise keeps silent as Arima heads out of the room, still not wanting to say anything. He only moves to lock the door once he's sure Arima is completely gone.

The briefcase is still waiting for him when he finally gets the strength to walk back to the couch. He glares at it accusingly for a moment before glaring down at his own stomach. No matter what Arima says, he still can't believe there's a child growing inside him. It has to be some sort of misunderstanding. But if it isn't, then what will he do? He technically doesn't even need to bother to get an abortion, he can just starve himself and that would do the trick, but the thought of letting an innocent child die, no matter how it was conceived, feels wrong.

Haise sighs and opens the briefcase to reveal that it contained exactly what Arima said it had, there was a big slab of human meat at the right with pregnancy pills to the right. For some reason, when he gets a whiff of the meat, he suddenly feels ravenous and before he knows what he's doing, he's devouring the entire thing in less than ten seconds, licking the blood off his fingers afterwards.

A small groan leaves his lips as it finally occurs to him that no matter what happens in this situation, he's still royally screwed.

Haise is about to close the briefcase when he notices a slip of paper buried amongst the pregnancy pills. He picks it up out of pure curiousity and turns it over to see what's written on it.

Written on the back is just a name:

_Nagachika Hideyoshi_


	2. 二

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is sooooo late I'm sorry. I had school and tests and stress and I forgot all about this until I went on thanksgiving break and I remembered this plus I had a bit of free time. It's rushed and super short but at least it's something. I'll try to update as fast as I can (hopefully it won't take me two months this time)

Haise's mind is already made up by the next morning.

He's only gotten about three hours of sleep due to the amount of time he spent rolling in bed and thinking through all the very limited options he has. It isn't until he finally manages to get himself to go to sleep, waking up a few hours later, that he makes up his mind about the little bundle of cells currently growing within him.

He decides to keep the baby.

It's somewhat selfish to come up with the decision, especially as a baby won't just affect his life but the lives of everyone around him, but he doesn't want to be directly responsible for the death of a child. Especially not his own. The thought of having the child and giving it up afterwards occurred to him but he soon realised that it wasn't a logical option. He won't be able to give a child, his child, to the CCG while knowing that they would perform experiments on it. And since the child would be a half ghoul half human hybrid, he knows full well that there isn't going be no place for it with either ghouls or humans. The only thing left that he can do is to try to somehow break the news to his squad in a way that doesn't cause them to overreact.

After he's taken an admittedly long shower and gotten dressed in his regular work clothes, he finally works up the guts to drag himself down the stairs. He glances at the mirror just before he goes, taking a long look at himself. He doesn't look any different than he does yesterday, or two weeks ago. But he feels different. He places his hand over his stomach and for a second, he imagines he can feel it, the tiny little alien that has taken control over his mind and body.

By the time he gets downstairs. Shirazu, Mutsuki and Urie are all already sitting at the table. A quick glance at his watch tells him it's already 7:30, a full twenty minutes later than he usually comes down.

"Sassan!" Shirazu is the first to notice him. He moves from his slouching position to sit up properly and give his finest puppy dog eyes. "Can we have bacon for breakfast. Please?"

"Sure," Haise replies with a nod. Even though the smell of food normally makes him want to retch, even before he was pregnant, cooking is one of the few things that makes him calm down and gives him a chance to think. He glances at the other members of his squad, Urie doesn't look up from the book he's reading, his earphones securely placed in his ears and Mutsuki gives a shy nod of acknowledgement.

Haise instinctively heads over to the coffee machine, only stopping when he's about to put the beans inside. He stares at the coffeemaker in despair, wondering just how he's supposed to last nine months without getting to consume the only thing he actually likes to drink. With a frustrated sigh, he dumps the crushed coffee beans into the bin and walks to the fridge to pick out the bacon.

The process of cooking takes his mind off his grim situation for a while. In an attempt to drown out his thoughts, Haise ends up going overboard and preparing a full English breakfast, complete with scones, bangers and mash and soldiers, a recipe he read about in an old British cookbook. The only things missing are crumpets and tea and it would resemble a meal from a 20th century English book. 

"That's quite a lot," Mutsuki's eyes widen at the veritable feast that he lays out in front of them. Haise can't resist smiling at the wide eyed look of surprise on the young boy's face. Once he's has brought the tray that contains the bacon and eggs out of the kitchen and he heads back in to get the freshly made toast and pancakes.

"It's beautiful," Shirazu immediately counters, reaching out to dump a load pancakes and bacon unto his plate. Urie quietly takes a boiled egg, his eyes not leaving the book that he's reading for a single moment.

"I might have gone a little overboard," Haise replies, sheepish. He looks at just how much food he made, and after noting it's probably enough to feed an entire African village for a week, he decides cooking to distract himself probably isn't that great of an idea. He turns to Shirazu and gently taps the boy on the shoulder to get his attention.

"Yes?" Shirazu says, his mouth full of food. Haise tries not to be disgusted at the sight, which is surprisingly hard for someone who unwillingly feeds on human meat on a regular basis.

"Can you get Saiko downstairs for me? I need to tell you all something important."

"Is it about a job?" Urie pulls out his earphones and raises his eyebrows, and Haise wonders just how he managed to hear the words through his music.

"More important than that," Haise says. He isn't sure just how exactly he's going to convince them that he's pregnant when even he doesn't quite believe it yet. A part of him is still hoping that Arima is going to call and tell him that it's just a sick joke, and it's impossible for him to get pregnant.

Mutsuki is staring at him worry again. He's always been sensitive about things kind this. Shirazu just looks confused but Haise spots a spark in Urie's eyes; the one that only ever comes when he's thinking about a promotion. Shirazu nods and shovels the remaining of the plate into his mouth before he gets up.

"Don't worry Sassan, I'll get her ass out of bed in no time," Shirazu grins, and Haise instantly gets a bad feeling in his gut that isn't nausea from the food.

"Please don't bully her-" Haise starts, but it comes too late. Shirazu is already heading up the stairs with Urie following after him.

Mutsuki stares after the two of them for a second before he asks Haise, "Should I go after them?" 

"Please." Haise replies, knowing Mutsuki is the sensible one between the three of them. Shirazu is quite endearing but too blunt while Urie is both blunt and cold, even though his determination is something to be in awe of. 

Mutsuki makes a small sound in his throat before he gets up to catch up with the two other boys. Only a few minutes pass before Haise hears the distinct noise of something shattering, closely followed by the what has to be the sound of Saiko crying and the next second, the loud pattering of her feet as she runs down the the stairs to fling herself in Haise's arms.

"Maman," Saiko's large eyes are teary, her bottom lip sticking out in a cute pout. "They're being mean."

"What did you guys do?" Haise asks, sending a tired glance in the direction of Urie and Shirazu. He already knows that in whatever occurred to make Saiko upset, Mutsuki was probably only an innocent bystander.

"I told her you were going to fire her if she didn't get her fat ass out of bed," Urie says, his expression impassive. 

Saiko bursts into fresh tears at the words, leaving Haise wondering why exactly he had ever agreed to take on this job in the first place. Haise gently pats Saiko's head as she buries her face into his shirt.

"You shouldn't make girls cry," Haise scolds, pushing Saiko's uneven bangs out of her eyes. She sniffs into his shirt, digging her small fingers into his sides.

"It's her own fault that she didn't get up first," Urie grumbles, and both Shirazu and Mutsuki pointedly look away.

"Please stop crying, Saiko," Haise says.

Saiko just sniffs louder in response.

"There are frog shaped pancakes in it you if you stop crying," Haise tries, and to his relief, Saiko stops sniffing and looks up at him, her eyes wide with no sign she was ever crying.

"Promise?" 

"I promise," says Haise. He ruffles the top of her blue hair fondly. He's about go make the pancakes when he remembers the why he got them to call her down in the first place. With a small sigh, he turns back to the three boys. "Do you want to hear the news now?"

"Does it have anything to do with a promotion?" comes Urie's reply, and against all his better instincts, Haise can't resist chuckling at such a stereotypical Urie comment.

"Not quite," Haise says once he's managed to stifle his laughter. It isn't until he feels the blunt gaze of the Quinx, sans Saiko, that he realises he's unknowingly rubbing his stomach again. He blushes and raises his hand off from his stomach.

"Sassan?" Shirazu tilts his head to the side, peering at Haise with worry in his eyes. "Is there something wrong? Are you sick?"

Haise takes a deep breath, mostly to calm his nerves. He'd tried searching the Internet for ways to reveal a pregnancy but all the links he had found were for human women. None for ghouls and definitely nothing for males. So the only option he had was to wing it and hope everything turned out okay. Or at least everyone gets out with all their limbs intact.

"I'm not sick. I'm-" the words catch in Haise's throat and he pauses before saying. "I'm having a baby."

The reactions from them is nothing less than what he expects, ranging from the extreme shock (Mutsuki) and confused (Shirazu) to curious (Saiko) and partly interested (Urie).

"Sassan, how did you knock some girl up?" Shirazu is the first to recover, his surprise quickly changing to curiosity. He shoves his hands into his pocket, leaning closer to Haise.

Haise pauses at the question, feeling lost for words. He had spent hours thinking about how exactly he would break the news to them but once it came down to it, it was still an unbearably hard thing to reveal to anyone. "I didn't get anyone pregnant."

"Are you adopting a child?" says Saiko, looking up at him as she strokes her chin. She's grinning a little now, and Haise feels a small weight leave his chest at the sight of her smiling face.

"Not quite," answers Haise. His fingers are clenched tightly around the fabric of his pants for comfort. As he speaks. "I'm the one carrying the child."

The silence that follows the statement is to be expected but it doesn't do anything to ease his out of control nerves. When he finally brings himself to look up, there's shock written all over the faces of the members of his squad, and their expressions would be absolutely hilarious in any other situation, but considering the current circumstances, it's no surprise that Haise can't bring himself to make as much as a nervous chuckle.

This silence lasts much longer than the first one, and Haise is certain that none of them is going to say anything when Mutsuki manages to make a small coughing noise that surprisingly gets the attention of everyone else.

"Ano," Mutsurie says, blushing and falling silent for a few more moments before continuing."That's ... very unexpected?"

"How the fuck did you get knocked up?" says Urie. Unlike Mutsuki, he doesn't bother to choose his words carefully or sugarcoat them. 

Haise looks at the four expectant faces, without knowing how he's supposed to explain to them how it happened when he isn't quite sure of the details himself. He doesn't even know who the biological father is (apart from the name that could belong to anyone), or how exactly the CCG was able to find out that he had the internal organs of a female ghoul when he wasn't even aware of it. Haise wants to be able to provide them with answers, but it's impossible when he doesn't know anything about what's going on either.

He's still trying to figure out what to say when Shirazu comes to his rescue with a snap of, "Shut up Urie. It doesn't matter how it happened!"

"Are you telling me that you aren't curious as to how a male was able to get pregnant?" Urie says, and Shirazu falters for a second before shaking his head.

"It isn't that hard to believe. If people like us can exist, then I don't think anything is impossible," Shirazu retorts stubbornly. "Don't worry Sassan. I've got your back!"

"Me too," Mutsurie's voice is firmer than Haise has ever heard it been. Saiko doesn't say anything but she hugs him again, burying her face in his chest but this time, she doesn't wrap her arms around his stomach as tight as she originally did. 

"Tch." Urie snorts, but doesn't say anything more. He pulls his earphones over his ears, a gesture that Haise takes to mean that he's done with the conversation. 

Haise lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. With all things being considered, that went much better than he had expected it to. He had been expecting more opposition from Urie, or more unnecessary questions from Shirazu, or tears from Saiko. But he definitely wasn't expecting that they would be all reasonable about it.

Saiko lifts her head off Haise's stomach before asking, "Who's the papa?"

"I don't know," Haise says, blushing a bit when they all give him scandalised looks. He fumbles around with his words before finally realising what to say. "I mean, there technically is one but I don't him. He's just a sperm donor."

Saiko nods before tugging on Haise's sleeve and demanding for pancakes, the baby conversation apparently over. But as Haise moves back to the kitchen, he can't help but wonder about the biological father. There's the possibility that like Haise, he didn't know exactly what he was getting into when he gave his sperm, and has no interest in learning about his half ghoul half human child, but there was also the possibility that he might not be totally repulsed by the idea, 

Haise shakes the thought away before it lingers too long. It wouldn't matter if the father wants to be involved or not. It would be wrong for him to involve a human in Ghoul business. No matter the human was. Whoever Nagachika Hideyoshi might be, Haise is determined that he won't be drawn into all this chaos.

Out of desperation for something to use to keep, Haise puts on a cup of coffee and ignores the looks of disappointment sent by Mutsuki.

He's going to need a lot of coffee if he's going to survive the next nine months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) あの is romanised as ''ano" and it's kind of like the Japanese word for 'um' but it's somewhat different and its used a lot in Japan and I just think it'd be better suited for that than 'um'
> 
> Leave comments please they make my day!

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't forget to leave kudos and comments! They make me update much quicker.


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